This past Saturday I went out with some friends. When I say ‘went out,” we rode in the car 5 deep. I’ll set it up: my friend rode shotgun and her boyfriend drove, his two friends and I were in the back. Because I am a woman, it is my understanding that I must ride in the middle. This is referred to as “sitting bitch.” Deciding who rides in this seat can be settled in many ways, the most common of which is that the littlest one is forced into the middle where one can look forward to scrunched knees, shoulders, and a general uncomfortableness. However, in the case that a female is present, she is automatically elected to sit bitch. She then is forced into the middle because god forbid that the boys legs touch when they dont have to. I, being the only female, sat in the bitch seat, even though I was visibly larger than at least one (if not both) of the guys. I honestly have never felt so embarrassed by my weight than I did last night. I had the worst thoughts about myself. Yesterday I actually prayed that neither of the guys would make any awful comments and bring me back to my sulking middle school days. I felt lower than low and I have no one to blame but myself. I am only writing this short blog because as a bigger girl it takes a night like yesterday to really reaffirm why I want to be healthier and more comfortable in my body.
I don’t want to be the girl that people don’t want to sit next to on the plane or bus. I don’t want to have to buy two plane tickets, and I don’t want to ever feel uncomfortable when I’m sitting in the back of car with my friends. I wanted to share this small post with all of you because the smallest things remind me about my size and how I feel about myself. Consequently, those very small reminders will steer me in the direction of health and a more confident me. Thank you all for your support and reading this blog. I look forward to fitting comfortably in any seat very soon.