In the Middle

Seriously I have to sit in the middle?

This past Saturday I went out with some friends.  When I say ‘went out,” we rode in the car 5 deep. I’ll set it up: my friend rode shotgun and her boyfriend drove, his two friends and I were in the back. Because I am a woman, it is my understanding that I must ride in the middle. This is referred to as “sitting bitch.” Deciding who rides in this seat can be settled in many ways, the most common of which is that the littlest one is forced into the middle where one can look forward to scrunched knees, shoulders, and a general uncomfortableness. However, in the case that a female is present, she is automatically elected to sit bitch. She then is forced into the middle because god forbid that the boys legs touch when they dont have to. I, being the only female, sat in the bitch seat, even though I was visibly larger than at least one (if not both) of the guys. I honestly have never felt so embarrassed by my weight than I did last night. I had the worst thoughts about myself. Yesterday I actually prayed that neither of the guys would make any  awful comments and bring me back to my sulking middle school days. I felt lower than low and I have no one to blame but myself. I am only writing this short blog because as a bigger girl it takes a night like yesterday to really reaffirm why I want to be healthier and more comfortable in my body.

I don’t want to be the girl that people don’t want to sit next to on the plane or bus. I don’t want to have to buy two plane tickets, and I don’t want to ever feel uncomfortable when I’m sitting in the back  of car with my friends. I wanted to share this small post with all of you because the smallest things remind me about my size and how I feel about myself. Consequently, those very small reminders will steer me in the direction of health and a more confident me. Thank you all for your support and reading this blog. I look forward to fitting comfortably in any seat very soon.

16 responses to “In the Middle

  1. I’m sorry Sweetie, XXXX…You are lovely. You are the divine feminine. I have felt “big” many times…that doesn’t feel good I know. I have come to accept that my frame is larger than many womyn and also that I have extra weight on me. It is coming off and one factor of that I believe and decided it is coming off. I keep myself as active as possible. And if that means all I do one day is park extra far away from work or walk up a hill or walk up and down the drive way or I am on my feet all day at home and work then so be it! Other days I might be rocking out at a concert or jumping to the sky on the trampoline, whatever, DO YOUR BEST!!! Feed your body well, NO growth hormones! No Hydrogenated Oils! LOTS of fruits and VEGGIES!! Protein! Chocolate, pure dark low sugar chocolate if you like to eat chocolate. look at the sugars, there are many that are lower. MODERATE sugar. GOOD FATS! Avocados, coconut oil! Eat your more sugar or carb meals earlier as possible. Mango’s/Pineapple=Enzymes. WATER WATER WATER!!!! Make it a lifestyle. I hope this is Okay to write such a long comment full of stuff you probably already know! Blessings~~~~<3

  2. It is those moments that truely inspire us. Regardless of what size I may currently be, I have no objection to telling a guy that they can sit bitch because I’m not going to or it makes sense for someone else to ride in that spot.

  3. I can really relate. I’ve been through some very similar issues myself. Now I just say “My hips don’t lie” and laugh. Most people will join the laughter and it helps me move beyond it. But this kind of goes back to your previous post about McCarthy and how larger women always have to be funny… Seems like it’s a no-win sitch.

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  4. This is exactly how I feel – most of my friends are skinny-mylinx’s and having to squeeze next to them on trams is not pleasant! The only saving grace is that in most cases when we actually drive somewhere, I am the driver and get to avoid sitting in the B*tch seat!
    Thanks for sharing!

  5. Isn’t it crazy that the most inconsequential things can make us so self conscience? I struggle with this very same thing in those very same situations. Not only does it make me stronger in my convictions to get healthy (as slow as the process is) it also makes me want to work towards a stronger love of myself! Hips,booty and all. Once again,great blog!

    • What the heck, I’m not “Anonymous”! Goes to show how new I am to this blogging world. 🙂

  6. Keep using this experience as a motivator. When ever you feel like you don’t have the energy to work out or you are fighting back the urge to eat junk food, bring yourself back to that moment sitting bitch. It will be a great motivator! I often do this or myself and it works. Keep up the good work!

  7. I am not a big girl. I think you should love yourself first. And then get on the track you want. Only by loving yourself and living in your own skin will ever feel good about yourself.

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