Sometimes I Wonder

Which Road Should I take?

Naomi Says:

If I had one wish,  I know what I would wish for: I wish to wake up one day and look in my closet and pick out my clothes without wondering whether or not they are going to fit. I wish that I ate food when I needed it not because it was there. Most of all I wish that I could love myself for who I am inside and not focus on what I look like on the outside. Okay, so maybe that is more than one wish.

Didn’t everyone get this book as a gift at some point?

I recently started a new job. It’s not exactly the field I thought I would be in at this age; nonetheless I am happy to be starting a job I know I can excel in. When I look back at my dreams it seems that some of them have come true, but others have fallen by the wayside. I guess what I am getting at is goals and dreams somehow have become, in my mind, failures. I don’t want to be a failure and I don’t want to give up on my dreams, but am I setting my sights too high? I wonder if I am being too hard on myself? I can remember from a very young age setting goals and reaching them. Yet, when I look back on goals for weight-loss, I would get there and stalemate. Weight-loss seems so easy; in our last post  we talked about how a lot of people think we don’t know what we are doing or we don’t know what steps to take. However, this isn’t the case; I know what needs to be done. I know I have to work hard and “finish the race.”  So I guess the real question is, What am I waiting for? Or is the question, What am I afraid of?

I know for me personally once I lost weight (I lost 90 lbs at one point), I don’t think I was quite ready for the amount of attention and actual differences in the way I was treated. It’s crazy to think that some people I had been around for years as only acquaintances suddenly wanted to talk to me and be around me. I thought,  I’ve always been cool, and I’ve always had this personality, so why now are you choosing to associate yourself with me? Now after typing this out I see that I am not afraid of being successful with my weight loss because I’ve always wanted my personality to match my exterior;  however – psychologically speaking – I am not ready for the way the world suddenly views me. I am scared. I no longer wonder why I haven’t reached my full potential, especially having started this blog. I am telling strangers things I haven’t been able to face myself in 25 years.

I am no longer wondering what the future holds; I can now set my sights on it. I am working on no longer caring how the world will react to my “smaller figure” because I know who my true friends are. I know I am capable of reaching my full potential because I have all of you to share my fears with. So thank you for allowing me express myself, thanks for the words of encouragement, and thank you for reading. Road to success: BRING IT.

5 responses to “Sometimes I Wonder

  1. Nice post. Its too bad that people judge on the outside of our covers. The important thing is that you look and feel better, and your body will last much longer at a healthier weight. Congratulations on your weight loss, and your blogging successes as well.

  2. I know what you mean by “the attention you receive” after weight loss. Sadly, sometimes it’s negative. Instead of “Congrats! You look great! You took your health into your own hands and won. Good girl!” It’s, “You’re too skinny. Why’d you lose that weight? You talk about weight loss/nutrition/exercise too much.” Instead of just being happy for me, they let their jealousy turn to criticism.

    And regarding the question “What am I waiting for?…What am I afraid of?” I know I self-sabotage. I think, deep down, I don’t know how I’d handle having the exact body I want. Would I even be happy with it, or would I strive for more, to the detriment of my health?

    Sorry for the novel/long-ass comment. Your blog inspires me and gets me thinking.

  3. I shared the same sentiments described in your text. The important thing in my case is to have faith in God and fight for life. Kisses

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